Starting Fresh

It funny how you can get used to change so fast. Like the idea of having a baby or becoming a mom. It seems so natural to me now, that I'm pregnant. There are days when I look down at my belly, that seems to have enlarged rapidly over the past week, shake my head and for a moment wonder in disbelief how this came about. But over all I have become perfectly okay with the whole idea.
I have started saying things like "my baby" instead of "it", and have moved on from denial and regret towards a brighter future in which I get to meet this tiny being that I have become some what attached to. I praise god every day that in the midst of a really shitty situation He held me strong in the decision I made a long time ago. I still remember how strongly I felt about abortion...but that is another story and another blog for another day.
Something else that is slowly happening, and I mean real slow, is letting go of all the anger, and dare I say, hateful emotions that I have had towards Chris. As always, there are those days, but I feel a sort of peace and relief. I wish he didn't say some of the things he did, and I still have a general opposition to all men, but I am so ready to just forget about him in particular and move on.
There is some emotion that I just can't put my finger on. It is not as if I were in love with the guy or want him to like me. Of course I liked him, that's why I slept with him but I think it's this. I just want him to know what it feels like to be here, in the place I am, or the place I was.
I am really beginning to look forward to this change in my life. From now on I am leaving my past behind, all of it, and starting fresh.