The End

Last Monday was one of those days I will probably remember for the rest of my life. Like the day I found out I was pregnant or the day Teagan was born. I had talked to Chris about a month ago and he said Teagan and I should come up to Qdoba sometime; He'd like to see the baby just once.
It was all I had hoped for in the begining. That he would see my son sometime. Just once was all I would ask but after almost a year of not seeing him and absolutely no communication and no effort on his part, I didn't care anymore. Teagan was my son. I had gotten over the idea that he was Chris's baby too and it just didn't matter to me anymore whether he saw Teagan or not. That was up to him to be done on his time if ever.
So needless to say I was first shocked, then thankful, then unsure. Maybe I should just let it go and continue moving on. I considered it for a few weeks. Then we got news that forced me to remember life is short, unexpected things happen and now is all we have. This wasn't about me or how I felt. This was about my son. And while I know it may be difficult to explain I want to be able to tell him that his dad saw him and held him. Even if it was just once, I think it may mean something to Tegan when he is older.
So we went. I like to plan things but this wasn't planned. It was more of a Nike moment-"just do it." Considering everything, it went very well. It was really sweet for me to see Chris holding my son. To see how much Teagan looks like him and to see Chris interact with him. It's a picture I will never forget.Even though I still sometimes think Chris is an asshole, he really is a nice guy. So in that moment I realized I was sad. Sad that Teagan will miss out on knowing that side of Chris.
It was bittersweet and it was hard. I somehow had the guts to tell Chris how hard it was and how much he hurt me. Saying that to his face made closure allot more closed for me. And I even managed to hold myself together until I got home. Then I cried. All night and all morning. But then it was over. After a whole year it was all over. Finished. The end. And Teagan and I took a step forward in a new direction.