Big Sister

If you happen to know me, then you know I am the oldest in my family. I have a 16-year- old sister Maggie, 14-year-old brother James, a 12-year-old brother Peter and last but not least a seven-year-old sister Emma. Now, if you have younger siblings yourself you also identify with the joys( and pains!)of being the first born.
The house is at times a disaster. It is so loud, I grumble and complain, selfishly hoping the reminder that a baby will soon be here encourages the noise level to come down, the wrestling to cease and the floor to be forever clear of debris. On any given day I may willing trade them for little peace of mind. And they know this.
But I often wonder if they know this. Despite my whining and not so nice "comebacks," my unthoughtful remarks and over the past few months extreme irrational behavior (for no reason of course) I love them to death.
I love how Maggie offers hugs and smiles. How she sings at the top of her lungs and encourages us all to "let loose." As her nickname implies she brings sunshine to all of us!
How I loved going shopping with James for his first Homecoming attire and seeing how he looked like a young man instead of my little brother. I may hate to admit it but I would miss the joyful noises and hysterical antics he brings to the table-both literally and figuratively speaking!
I used to think Peter was the quiet one of the family but quite suddenly he has broken out of his shell! I can't believe the little baby who used to spit peaches at me and stain my clothes with his poopy diapers is so old. One of my favorite things about Peter is that he has a remarkable ability to remember nearly every line from any given movie. I love the "I'm a corporate puppet" scene he reenacts from Fun With Dick and Jane.
Emma has been my helper,preparing everything from cookies to the baby's room. She is so cute with her questions and realizations-Like "Oh I didn't know that's how you fed a baby! I thought the milk came from your armpits!" She is learning so much at her young age.
So I wonder if they know how much I love them. I don't think I've told them or shown them often enough, especially these past nine months. Overwhelmed by their love and support I am caught wondering how I will ever make it up to them.
Because they are so important to me I sometimes feel embarrassed around them. You see, they deserve a sister who is so much better. I have often wondered what it would be like to be in their shoes. What it would be like to have an older sister who is pregnant, an older sister who is me.
I want so bad to be the best big sister but I feel like I have fallen so far from the mark. I just hope they know I am trying my best, I love them to death and I would never, ever trade them. Not for the world and not even for a little peace of mind.