Will the Current Carry You Away?

There is a word that should be able to capture exactly how I am feeling at this point in my pregnancy. It's like scared but it means so much more. It's not burdened but more like responsible. It could be classified as unqualified or maybe just unsure.

In some ways, I feel like over the past five months I have skipped forward five years. I am having a baby and the gratification of that is much deeper than some understand. It's hard. It is scary.

I am afraid. Afraid that I won't be able to be the best mom I want to be. Afraid that I won't be able to provide and support a child.

These are the best times, these are the worst times so the question may arise-how do you raise a child in times like these? How do you teach wrong from right? How do you protect from the harms of this world? How do you answer the inevitable questions of toddlers and how do you guide a teenager?What words do you say, how often do you remind them and when the time comes how do you explain?

Having a baby is much like jumping off a cliff over the ocean. Once you've made the decision to jump, you can't go back. There is thrill and excitement mixed with fear of the unknown as you plunge closer and closer to the water. Will it be cold or warm? Will the current carry you away? Will you sink or will you swim?

It's A Boy!!!!!

Last Friday was my first ultra-sound appointment. I had been looking forward to it for about a month and it was so exciting! I saw little fingers move and tiny feet, it was so awesome! The baby was really moving around and kicking allot. The doctor said that's great-an active baby is an healthy baby.
One of the first thing that the nurse asked was if I wanted to know the baby's sex. It was tough to decide; I spent the whole week going back and forth but when I finally got there I really wanted to know. And.... It's a Boy! It was quite apparent and as the doctor said,"He's a proud young man!"
Needless to say, I am becoming quite excited. I have a few pictures from the ultra-sound and they are so adorable! I can't wait to hold my baby- I've decided he's going to be a mamma's boy♥

Red, White...kick!

The Fourth of July has always been one of my favorite holidays. We did the usual this year, having family and friends over then heading off to see the Ralston firework display. This year was extra special for me.
After every loud boom I felt this tiny little bump on the inside of my tummy-baby kicks! It was a really strange feeling but it made me smile-there really is someone in there!

Bittersweet

Being pregnant has been the source of much joy for me...epically in the past month. Feeling the baby kick, hearing the heartbeat, looking for names. It is all wonderful and I wouldn't trade it for the world-not ever.
I am scared but excited, looking forward to the future but at the same time wishing for the past. See I would daresay that this is one of the hardest things I have ever faced; I have never felt so hurt. I think that is why some days feel so bittersweet.

More Cravings...

Pickles-on sandwiches or perfect for a mid-afternoon, morning, and evening snack!
Sauerkraut-best mixed with mashed potatoes and a dash of salt
Broccoli
Grapefruits(but they've always been a fave)
*Note To Self: Baby does not like spicy foods but mom can't get enough!

Fashionista Anyone?

It is said that with your first baby you don't "show" that much. Well, I am not too sure about that! The time has come where I am busting out of most every clothing item I own. Pants don't dare button around my ever expanding waste and my "melons" have become so large that my cute, low-cut tops are no longer acceptable to wear in public!
I sadly admit that I have traded my love of fashion, presently, for a more comfortable look. Gym-short cut offs and most anything with an expandable waste are paired with solid maternity t-shirts from friends and occasional tanks tops. I feel very "mommyish".
Fortunately, there is hope! Many maternity clothes now incorporate the most recent styles; Gone are the days of trying to hide the big belly. Fashion experts say to show it off! Fabrics that hug your belly are all the rage.
So, we may prefer a more comfortable look ( I know I do!) but there is no need to hide in the closet. Enjoying a variety or colors, fabric and styles, your pregnancy may become nine of your most fashionable months yet! Fashionista anyone?

You Just Don't Forget

It's hard to stop thinking about Chris lately. Maybe it's just because he's my baby's dad. Maybe it's because I still like him in some way. Maybe it's because I miss seeing him. I don't know. Maybe I just wish he would talk to me or make some ridicules effort to acknowledge this whole thing.
Whatever it is, I have come to the conclusion that you just don't forget about people like Chris. You don't forget about someone who helped make your baby, even if it was an accident. And years down the road, when he's long forgotten me,I'll still remember him because I'll have someone who will remind me every day.
So, I think about him less and less, but I'll always remember.It's not weird or creepy, it's just how it goes. You just don't forget.