Closed Book?

Some how after finding out, the weekend became a blur. Life went on but my world seemed to stand completely still. I went through the motions, going to the doctor's (just to be sure, after all the tests could be wrong...), I bought prenatal vitamins and crackers and I wore my seatbelt all the time.

I remember I told my parents that Sunday. I can't remember when I told him. I think it was a Monday but I'm not sure. I didn't want to say anything in fact, I wasn't planning on telling him until I was quite further along, at least three months or so, but it didn't happen that way.

How ever it happened there we were standing at his car after work. I said I needed to tell him something important but the words "I'm pregnant" stubbornly refused to come out of my mouth. Finally he said it, "Katie are you pregnant?"

I managed a yes and all I heard him say over and over was "No, I don't want this. Oh my god, what if she finds out." I hate that he didn't consider what I might be going through, that he didn't realize how everything he said cut right through me.
I knew it would be more than hard for him to hear. It was the reaction I expected but not the one I hoped for. I expected that he would be mad, pissed, upset and never wanting to see me again but I didn't expect to feel so much rejection.
He said he wished I wouldn't have told him. He would rather not know, that's how upset it made him. That and what he said later...he would want the baby if it was hers. Just because it was ME carrying his child, he didn't want it. I can't explain how that made me feel. It was more than just embarrassing or hurtfull to my pride, it hurt me in a way I didn't know you could hurt and it insulted my humanity.
I guess I have moved on but there's still a bruise, a sore spot so to speak. He asked that night if I blamed him, I can't remember what I said but I know now. I don't blame him for getting me pregnant, not at all, but I do blame him for hurting me through what he said.
I saw him this summer when my mom and I asked him to fill out some medical forms for baby. he said two words, "Hi Katie." My sarcastic mind commented on the irony that he even remembered my name as much as he wanted nothing to do with me. I'm a bitch I know, but I couldn't help it.
I know he wants nothing to do with me or the baby, I know he doesn't want to be involved. Somehow, I still find myself waiting for a phone call or a message. A "how's the baby?" or "is everything going ok?"
Something to show that his first reaction was only an in initial reaction. That he really didn't mean what he said or at least he didn't realize how much it hurt me. I wish I knew that he's accepted it and moved on instead of pushed it out of his mind in denial.
Maybe the right word is closure. But really I just want to know it's a closed book. Nobody blames nobody and everybody's ok with it.